Why a ‘deep connection’ is sometimes seen as ‘sexual’

Some dance styles, like Kizomba, Brazilian Zouk, or Bachata, use a very close connection between the partners. These dances are often described as ‘sensual’ dances. For a few, they describe these dances as ‘sexual’.

I understand why some people see it as sexual.

Not too long ago, I was dancing with a lead who had a very intimate-feeling connection. It was intimate enough that I had to take a minute and decide whether or not he was asking for just a dance, or something more. This is after I’ve been dancing ‘sensual’ styles for over 7 years.

In this situation, the lead wasn’t asking for a sexual relationship. He just was creating a sense of intimacy in the dance itself by using a very deep connection.

Intimacy in sex vs. dance

Whenever we have a connection with someone, we create a level of intimacy. For most people, the ‘highest’ level of intimacy can be found through sex – especially if you have an emotional connection to that person.

But, dance can in many ways approach the level of intimacy many people have in sex. For most dancers, they will tell you that it’s not about sex – and they’re correct; it’s very often not about having sex with their partner.

But, for most non-dancers, that level of intimacy is typically reserved for sex. So, it’s difficult to articulate exactly why it’s sensual and intimate, but not ‘sexual’ in the sense that the two people don’t necessarily want to have sex with each other.

And, for some dancers, the highest levels of intimacy continue to be reserved for sexual relationships throughout their dance life.

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